4,187 days
11 years
2 kids
A lifetime of memories
Gone.
Questions that never stop.
Wondering what went wrong.
Questions of what the real answers are.
Was there only 3? Were there more? What did I do wrong?
Rewind.......
April 24th 2016
I was working really hard to keep #2 in his own bed. He has always ended up in bed with us. 5 years. I know it was not the best situation but I was exhausted of day after day putting him back on my own. I got a queen bed and that allowed someone to sleep with him if we did have to put him back in his bed......
Correction, if "I" put him back in his bed.
This particular night, the husband was up on his phone because he couldn't sleep when #2 came in. I got up, took him back and laid in his big bed. When I woke up and went back into our bed, the husband had his phone still on because he left his thumb on it. I smiled and took the phone and what I found on it was life changing.
The husband was on Tinder. The account was fully filled out. It even said he was a dad to 2 boys and he was married. his photo was there. He was swiping and I wish I knew how the app worked, to see if he was talking to anyone, but my heart was broken I spent a little bit going through that phone and found a few other apps that were specific for dating and I turned off his phone. Put it down and turned over and cried.
I made a vow to do all I could to never turn him down. That I would always be available sexually to him and that I would do what I could to make sure he knew that I loved him. But that little thing in the back of my head said " Something is wrong."
When the Husband woke up, he knew that I knew. He said he could explain. His explanation didn't make sense. It didn't follow the timeline that he gave. When I questioned that time line it was like he couldn't even believe that it was REALLY that long ago that he had worked for the Company that he claimed he had the App for.
He took #2 to the store for some groceries. There they got flowers. That was his first attempt to say sorry in actions. Not only was it a first, but a last.
September 1st:
The husband is gone. He has his own place. He has a girlfriend and 3-4 dating profiles on different sites. He is not the man I married any more. He is mean, angry and bitter. He treats me horrible, he doesn't want his family any more and he is all over the map emotionally.
Me: I am a mess. A disaster. Lower than low. Sadder than I could imagine. all the while.. wondering why......
